This is sort of an experimental post: a challenge issued to me by RonovanWrites, and this week I’m going to accept it. For those who have experienced depression, you know how difficult it can be sometimes to focus on things that are good when sadness feels bigger than you. When I seriously thought about what’s been good lately, I realized I didn’t have to think on too large of a scale. The things that lift my heart can be small, and they can add up.
While I’ve felt triggered a few times in church lately, and even by some Facebook posts from well-intentioned Christian friends, I am grateful for my pastor’s words that wherever you happen to be in your spiritual journey is perfectly okay. In the midst of “salvation anxiety”– feeling like my entire faith is falling apart because I’m agnostic about the doctrine of hell and question God’s goodness – the reminder that faith is not a race is comforting. Doesn’t mean I won’t compare myself to other Christians who seem to have it all together, but chances are they might be putting on a brave front to cover their doubts as well.
In addition, I have finally accepted that everyone is a heretic to someone. There’s just no way around that. No one has a perfect grip on theology, God’s motives, or crystal-clear biblical interpretation. They just don’t.
I’m grateful that even though my dream job pays practically nothing (for now), my husband appreciates the other things I bring to our marriage: laundry, meals, a cleaned apartment. I’m grateful that I’ve gotten over my fear of being a somewhat traditional housewife, as if I can’t be that and a feminist simultaneously. Honestly, I like this life. I’m grateful I can afford to pursue a career in writing because Joshua’s job has benefits. I’m grateful I have the luxury of staying home with my furbabies.
I’m also grateful for Kelly Clarkson’s new song, “Invincible.” It’s an empowering message I really can’t hear too many times. No other song will possess the same healing powers of everything ever produced by Anna Nalick, but this song is pretty good.
What are you ‘Wowed’ by this week?