“Not bad” is a perfectly fine response to “How are you doing?”

I’m going to start giving this “vlogging” thing a try. You can find more of these on a semi-weekly basis by ‘liking’ my Facebook page, or subscribing to my Youtube channel.

I want to offer a few brief thoughts on mental illness in response to the death of Chester Bennington from Linkin Park, and why “Not bad” is actually a pretty good response to anyone who asks “How are you doing?” For those who struggle with depression, “Not bad” is a genuine and good response, compared to the alternative.

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About Beth Caplin

Just an author, blogger, and editor working hard so my cats can have a better life.
This entry was posted in Social Issues, Writing & Publishing and tagged , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

4 Responses to “Not bad” is a perfectly fine response to “How are you doing?”

  1. Hi

    It was brilliant and than you for sharing 😊

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Charity says:

    Absofreakinlutely! Agreed. I’m currently seeing a secular therapist for religious trauma, physical/medical trauma and PTSD from childhood. We work with discussion and EMDR therapies. I’m in my mid forties. Due to said traumas, health conditions and other issues, I have been an insomniac for most of my life. I’m just now getting to six hours of sleep on a good night. The closest I got to that was about a decade ago and it was five hours a night. Due to living in a crowded city then, it was an incredibly short lived experience. I also have major TMJ issues on both sides of my face. I was in a deadly car accident that messed up the right side of my face. Years later I suffered another injury in my cheek bone right below the previous injury (crack). As a result, I’m always popping and cracking and the left side is worn down due to overcompensating for the right side of my face. Smiling endlessly is painful for me! Regarding my neglected and abused childhood trauma, I have actually had people tell me “my parents made mistakes too.”

    Girl, “not bad” is great. Honestly, if I were that dude, even on my absolute best day, I would have responded with. “Well, I hope you have a great day” and I’d leave it at that. Maybe coffee shop dude was trying to convince himself of those “positive” things. I’m sorry that you just happened to be there as he talked to himself. Having worked in customer service off and on from 16 to 30, I feel your pain. As long as you’re cordial and kind, I don’t see the point for the public’s obsession with positivity and smiles over load.

    Besides, I think you sound sweet. I can’t seem to catch anything about you that’s outright offensive or mean in anything you’ve written or videoed of yourself.

    Have a good day. Sorry for being so long winded. Continue to allow you to be you!

    Liked by 1 person

    • Beth Caplin says:

      Thanks for the kind words, Charity! And thanks for sharing part of your story.

      If you don’t mind my asking, how does EMDR work for you? I’ve tried it with my therapist a few times, but mostly all it does is put me to sleep.

      Like

      • Charity says:

        Hey Beth,

        I researched EMDR for a few months before I found my therapist after a three year search. Being that Jennifer specializes in trauma, she has used EMDR for years. From what I gather, every therapist does it a different way. The way she treats me is through the use of head phones and pulsating hand held devices. There’s a beeping sound that alternates repeatedly back and forth between my ears and the hand held devices are in sync with the beeps. Only once have I had to ditch the head phones and just hold onto the devices. On that day I had such an awareness of the fear as a five year old child in that memory that the beeps were actually scaring me like a little girl. They sounded like the alarm of a hit submarine. Jennifer and I alternate between discussion and EMDR sessions. As she gathers information about how I’m feeling, she may ask me of a memory that reminds me of something I’m going through now. For example, say it’s about something or someone currently that makes me feel absolutely powerless. What’s a major memory or my earliest memory of when I felt the same way? Depending on how horrific the memory, we may have anywhere from a couple of EMDR sessions just on that memory or up to half a dozen EMDR sessions regarding that time frame. I close my eyes and she immediately has me go back to a memory. She’ll ask me a question along the lines of how it made me feel then or how does it make me feel now. The beeps and pulses are between the questions for a minute or two at a time. Every time she’s about to stop them she has me take a deep breath and she’ll ask me what do I think or feel. I’ll tell her in a word or a sentence or two and she’ll either say “go with that” or “think about that for a while”. We do this anywhere from 30 to 40 minutes at a time and when she feels we are at a good stopping point, we leave it there. My responses during those sessions have been anything from calm to angry to just down right sad. I mean, we’re talking about sobbing and screaming here. Sometimes even imagining confrontation with people who have hurt me in the past. It’s exhausting and overwhelming at times. However, in the long run, my brain is clearer than ever. I also have a calmer response to smells, situations and words (triggers) than what I used to before I began seeing my therapist May of last year. I see her for 45 to 50 minute sessions once a week. She’s trying to extend my time to an hour, but doesn’t have the availability just yet. She’s book solid. We’re about to truly alternate our sessions better. This week was a discussion time, and next week will strictly be EMDR. I will keep up with my journal and discuss main points for my next talk session with her after the next EMDR one. Others work it out to where they see their shrink twice a week so that they may continually do both. While some people have two therapists at the same time, one strictly for talking to and the other primarily for EMDR.

        I don’t know how much of that answered your question, or if any of it did. I wish you the very best. I think you’re on a great path. You’re so young and so aware. You’re actively seeking resolve in your life. I didn’t begin any of that until my forties with young kids and a marriage. You’re already way ahead of the game!

        Liked by 1 person

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