I found this article from Quillette, “You Can’t Buy An Authentic Self” by Freya India, interesting at a personal level. It speaks about a generation that grew up with social media influence more intimately than mine did; specifically, a subset that is being told they can “become their authentic self” through artificial means like gender reconstructive surgeries, makeup, and other external changes. Still, it hit home for me.
I was a girl who felt insignificant because I had to share my name with thousands of baby girls who were born in the same year (and were all in my high school geometry class, it seemed). Becoming a follower of Jesus has humbled me quite a bit, but that old struggle flared up when considering names for my unborn daughter. What parent doesn’t want their kid to be “special”? As if significance is determined by what’s written on a birth certificate.
The common denominator between myself and the people described in the article is this: looking for fulfillment in the wrong places.
Navel-gazing for truth
Figuring out one’s “authentic self” naturally requires lots of time thinking about ourselves. Which is one contributing factor in higher rates of depression among Gen Z.
India writes,
Back in the day, when people described someone as authentic, as true to themselves, they were talking about that person’s character. Being true to yourself meant living a life aligned with your values, matching your actions to your words, doing the right thing, being sincere and honest. Now we’ve convinced a generation to seek self-expression through products and self-esteem through surgeries.
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You are how you act. You are how loyal and humble you are, or how self-absorbed, and self-righteous. You are how you treat people when you’re stressed or short of time, how you treat people when there’s nothing in it for you; how often you complain to others rather than thank them; how often you think about your own needs and wants rather than the needs of those around you. You are your vanity, your jealousy—you are all those ugly but real parts of yourself. You can’t change the person you are by slathering on products—no matter how many aesthetic goals you fulfil. Your authentic self will only reveal itself once you face up to all this honestly, and try to be better—privately, sincerely, ruthlessly.
So, stop trying to live your truth and start trying to live your values. Stop trying to be your true self and start being true to other people. Don’t devote your life to discovering your authentic self. Devote it to being as honest and authentic as you can, in your words and actions. And then you might actually find yourself.
But what if, like Dorothy in The Wizard of Oz, the thing we’ve been searching for is something we had the whole time?
The search for what we already have
For most of history, people were defined by their place in society, birth order in the family, and ancestral faith – none of which you got to choose. Life was easier submitting to those prescribed identity markers than rebelling against them.
Granted, this wasn’t always a good thing. But there is something to be said about identity being defined by factors outside the self, rather than by navel-gazing within the self. Our culture has turned that navel-gazing into an art form, and it’s making us more self-centered.
As a Christian, I believe that the truest, most authentic version of ourselves is found in Christ. Recognizing our “true self” as being made in the image of God, with inherent worth and value that we do not have to earn, is such a relief. It’s good news in a world that’s constantly trying to sell us something and push us to stand out.
When you know who you truly are and where your worth comes from, no external trends – a “unique” name, a new and improved body, a social media platform – are necessary.
The gospel would have been the antidote to my childhood identity crisis, had I known about it.
Photo by Dmitrii Vaccinium on Unsplash
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