There was a beautiful double rainbow the afternoon we first saw our baby’s flickering heartbeat. We found out we were expecting again the same week that Hope Elizabeth was supposed to be due. I started the second trimester on my birthday- could not have asked for a better gift. It’s strange to hold grief and… Continue reading Here comes the sun
Category: Miscellaneous
The annoyingly non-linear process of grief
“It won’t always be like this.” I’ve said that to myself, and heard it said to me many times before. But sometimes the recovery feels worse than the impact. It’s something I’ve found to be true in figure skating when learning a new trick that lands me square on my butt, and in life when… Continue reading The annoyingly non-linear process of grief
A Jew-“ish” Christian goes to Poland
Last month my family went on a trip to Poland to celebrate my mom’s birthday. Why Poland, you ask? My mother’s side of the family is from there. This trip was a deep dive into our Jewish ancestry, as well as a quest to find the best pierogies in every city we stayed in. It’s… Continue reading A Jew-“ish” Christian goes to Poland
Validating early motherhood
Josh and I were divided about when to tell our friends and family about the baby. He wanted to wait until the socially accepted 12-week mark, when the likelihood of miscarriage is reduced. I struggle with anxiety, so I more than understood that precaution. When to tell is a personal decision each family must decide… Continue reading Validating early motherhood
Grief is the currency of love
There are a few clubs I’ve been forced to join against my will: The fatherless daughters club. The sexual assault survivors club. And now, the miscarriage club. *** When my depression and trauma were at their worst, I actually felt angry with my parents for trying so hard to have me. I’m the fourth child… Continue reading Grief is the currency of love
I had a daughter
Josh was far more optimistic than I was about trying for a baby. Doctors had told me a while ago that, due to prior health issues, the odds of conceiving were not in my favor. I went into this next venture fully convinced it would never happen. Imagine the depth of my shock and joy… Continue reading I had a daughter
He stood at the gallows and had the last laugh
Excerpted from my essay collection, Things You Can’t Un-see For as long as I can remember, every morning my father made my mother coffee. Contrary to stereotype, my mother was completely inept with everything in the kitchen, including the coffee maker as old as their marriage. That coffee pot symbolized to me everything a good… Continue reading He stood at the gallows and had the last laugh
Miracles and other messy things
This is a rare, vulnerable post for me. Generally, my rule about writing on personal topics is, “Don’t share until you’ve processed with the Lord and the people in your inner circle first.” Well, I’ve been processing for most of the year, and I can’t say I’m more resolved now than I was at the… Continue reading Miracles and other messy things
Becoming Sarahbeth
Excerpted from my essay collection, Things You Can't Un-see. My husband makes fun of me for my obsession with monograms. After he caught me looking at a rotating display case of silver letter charms at a local boutique, I told him, “If you had the opportunity to name yourself, you’d be obsessed with them, too.” … Continue reading Becoming Sarahbeth
The battle for self-acceptance: hair and faith edition
I’ve written before about how my curly hair is an outward marker of my Jewish identity (ethnically speaking). I want to revisit that subject today, because it took me over 25 years to find the right haircut. 25+ years of having stylists consult other stylists in front of me because they had no idea how… Continue reading The battle for self-acceptance: hair and faith edition