I was pregnant when the attacks of October 7th happened; postpartum one year later; and am pregnant once more on this two-year anniversary. That is to say, I’ve been more emotional on these occasions than usual, although the horrific slaughter of innocents is a lot for anyone to process. But the faces of the two… Continue reading How does anyone survive the unthinkable?
Category: Grief/Mental Health
How anxiety pointed me to the gospel
I’m occasionally asked if I ever consider myself a “completed Jew,” and Christians tend to be surprised when I answer no. The main reason for that is because it’s considered highly offensive to Jewish people. The gospel is offensive enough; I don’t see a need to use language that is inflammatory if I don’t have… Continue reading How anxiety pointed me to the gospel
The vibes are off, time to get on a boat
I saw a meme recently about the Jewish propensity for anxiety: “Of course Jewish people are anxious. The non-anxious ones didn’t survive. Every Jewish person alive today is here because some ancestor, at some point in history, said ‘Hey listen up! The vibes are off; time to get on a boat.’” I feel that. It’s… Continue reading The vibes are off, time to get on a boat
The cultural gaslighting of moms who miscarry
Two years ago at this time, I was joyfully expecting my first baby. What I didn’t know, and wouldn’t until mid-March, was that my baby girl passed away in my womb, near the end of the first trimester. When I thought I was growing life, my womb carried a corpse instead. It was, and remains,… Continue reading The cultural gaslighting of moms who miscarry
“Joyous despair” is a real thing
The social media algorithms want me to be angry, and there’s certainly no shortage of things to rage over. Headlines are purposely alarmist to get clicks: I know this. I used to be in that line of work. I used to live in a place of perpetual anger, and while I made decent money doing… Continue reading “Joyous despair” is a real thing
Infertility and loss were hard. But so is parenthood.
After nine months of unending anxiety, Amelia Jane was born healthy on May 12th, 2024 – Mother’s Day, of all days, which feels so redemptive after a year of grief and loss. For all my Googling about everything that could possibly go wrong, my pregnancy was actually quite boring, medically speaking. A brief summary of… Continue reading Infertility and loss were hard. But so is parenthood.
“Is this your first?”
Now that I’m more than halfway through pregnancy, I get semi-frequent questions from strangers, starting with: “Is this your first?” It’s a hard question for me. I’d almost rather be asked about breastfeeding or vaccines or other controversial parenting decisions. There’s a distinction in my response to this question, which most people don’t clarify. Lord… Continue reading “Is this your first?”
The annoyingly non-linear process of grief
“It won’t always be like this.” I’ve said that to myself, and heard it said to me many times before. But sometimes the recovery feels worse than the impact. It’s something I’ve found to be true in figure skating when learning a new trick that lands me square on my butt, and in life when… Continue reading The annoyingly non-linear process of grief
Validating early motherhood
Josh and I were divided about when to tell our friends and family about the baby. He wanted to wait until the socially accepted 12-week mark, when the likelihood of miscarriage is reduced. I struggle with anxiety, so I more than understood that precaution. When to tell is a personal decision each family must decide… Continue reading Validating early motherhood
What Mary offers grieving mothers
For most of my Christian life, Holy Week and Good Friday have been emotionally difficult. It’s a season that brings up old memories of being called a “Christ killer” by the mother of a childhood friend. Hearing Gospel passages of the Jewish people demanding Christ’s death has always made me extremely uncomfortable. That’s still the… Continue reading What Mary offers grieving mothers